I have not done well with losing Shelia. I miss her desperately, and have been doing so for a very long time.
I think that those around her were so much stronger, so much better that I could have ever been. Her family was amazing
and I am grateful that she was surrounded by them when she died.
Truth be
told, if I go back and look at history, I realize that she was very ill on the
trip across the country. While hard, going to the UK, was probably
the very best thing for the both of us as it enabled her to reconnect with old
friends, family and the ones that were ultimately there to take care of
her.
I've never known anyone that died a lingering death. As such,
I never accepted the fact that she was dying. I truly believed that if
she just got up, she would get better. It was not until the services
yesterday that I finally started to admit that she was ill and that in the end,
there was nothing I would have been able to do. God works in amazing ways
that way.
But, I still find myself holding my breath waiting for something
to happen. I'm going to go and talk with my pastor today to start the
road to healing. I now know it is time. Now, I have to learn to
move on and learn to be on my own again.
For those that follow this blog, pray for me. I know that may sound selfish, but I want to know what it is like to breathe again. Right now, I feel like I never will.
Shiny Side Up
-RoadRunner
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