Wow - has it been that long????

Wow, I had not realized that it has been so long since I posted.  May of this year (4 months)!  Where does the time go?  Actually, I know where, it has been here, there and everywhere, very little is on a motorcycle. 

So, where does that leave this blog?  Where does that leave Graylady Riders?  I'm thinking, right here.  Just where I am.  I may not be ready to ride, to be fair - I may never be ready to ride again - not like I did.  But I am ready to live my life as a Gray Lady Rider.    My hair tells me that!  My life tells me that wheels don't determine your "ride", rather, your life determines that. 

You can either choose to ride your life or you can choose to be a passenger.  Me?  I'm a rider.  I ride my own ride.  I ride my own life.  In the past few months I have chopped trees, cleared land, built steps, killed a snake (should have left it be..), scorpions and moved more spiders than anyone should have to.  I've thrown out my back to the point where I could not walk, been through physical therapy and had to learn what limitations are.  All the while, Baby sits in the garage waiting for me to ride.  But not riding a motorcycle has not limited me in living my life.  In fact, I've changed more in one year than I have in several.

I'm not sure who reads this - to be fair - I'm not sure it matters.  Just like riding my own ride, this blog is my way of figuring out my life.  If I'm lucky, there are others that are doing the same and that this is a way to let them know - they are not alone. 

Life changes you.  It makes you different and how you manage that change determines you, your future and direction.  I think I like the direction I am moving now. 

 

RoadRunner

A year.....

Today is your birthday Jose..  May 5th marks the one year anniversary since you died.  Baby sits pretty much quiet in the garage with a battery tender attached to her.  She is rarely ridden.  The truth is - there is no spark.  No fire, in fact, little of anything that makes me inspired.  Other than my amazing children - and then it is just from a vicarious position.

I'm not sure how many follow this blog.  I've never been inspiring nor important.  So now, I'm just an older woman posting my musings on a medium that the world can see.  Will they care?  Who knows....

I know one thing - I yearn to be.  What that means "to be" is unknown.  But I do feel like I am in the midst of an awaking.

Do I sell the bike and move on?  Do I continue to ride?  Do I take up pottery, or drawing, or jewelry making or what???

Lately, I feel a restlessness that I felt when I first got the bike.  I hear a whisper that I can barely hear and can't identify it's origin.  It is a voice that does not come from the wind, but rumbles from my soul.  I can feel in in my chest more than in my ear.  Muddled by the sounds of life, I can still hear the voice - but the words remain insanely elusive...

There is a part of me that thinks that if I could just hear (or feel) the words - that would then know where my life should be.  I would know what direction I should head.  I would know what would inspire me, push me, make me alive.

If anyone still follows this - advice would be welcome.  Tell me your dreams and more importantly, tell me the what you have heard if you have finally been able to hear the word that rumble from your soul.



Sheilah (or RoadRunner wannabe...)