I've let this blog go dormant. One reason is that I had lost my footing. When I looked at my posts, they did not have any direction. Nothing that showed where I was headed. That has not changed. I still do not know where I am headed.
I actually had someone say recently , that by looking at my public persona, that I was a "social warrior wannabe." That made me realize that perhaps, I should stop being a wannabe and focus more on deciding what I am. So I decided to make changes.
Earlier this year, I put Baby up for sale. Actually, I consigned it. Unridden and no longer street legal, All Pro Power Sports, specifically James, came and got her ( http://www.allpropowersport.net). As they loaded her up on the truck and proceeded to drive away, I felt - nothing. No remorse, no tinge of regret, not even relief. I literally felt nothing. Now, she is in someone else's garage. I have not seen her on the road yet, but to be fair - I am not looking either.
What I am looking for now, is me. I at first thought, just keep moving forward. But now I am having second thoughts. I think that as we age, when we are faced with a new path, we must turn around and look back. We need to look and see what we have done, what was good, what was bad and what roads should never be walked again. After reading my post in 2015, I realize that perhaps I should focus on reflection. Not on what is ahead of me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying dwell in the past, but when I started Gray Lady Riders, when I started this blog, I was looking behind me and saying "Is that all there is?" I now know, the answer is yes, our history is just that - history. Harsh, but true. But when I look back, I no longer see opportunities missed. I don't see the "I should have dones." I look back and see, I have had an amazing life. And it is not even close to being over.
I went to a worlds fair in 1967 (Expo 67 - in Montreal)
I've watched a rocket blast off in July 1969 and 3 days later, man walked on the moon.
I saw the country celebrate our bicentennial and had the great fortune of graduating from high school that same year.
I've lived in 3 different countries and traveled across many more. I've seen the tulips in the Netherlands, eaten chocolate in Switzerland, eaten sushi in Hawaii and photographed grizzlies in Alaska.
I've rode a motorcycle across the country and back. In that time I saw wild horses in New Mexico and Nevada, the Mojave Desert, the Grand Canyon, the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah.
I've authored a book, been considered an expert in my field, and then retired from it all.
I've lost good friends, cousins, a sister, a mother and most recently, a father.
I've watched my children grow into amazing adults.
I've been graced with an adorable grandson that keeps me young.
While not inclusive, I realize that with the pain and lessons, that my life has been pretty amazing.
I am still finding my feet. I still collect backpacks and supplies (up to about 200 right now). I still want to affect the lives of children. But I want more than anything else, to move forward and stop being that "wannabe" and become the woman warrior that I know I am.
What warrior do you want to become (or are now?)
No comments:
Post a Comment