This Social Warrior Wannabe says Goodbye to Baby...

I've let this blog go dormant.  One reason is that I had lost my footing.  When I looked at my posts, they did not have any direction.  Nothing that showed where I was headed. That has not changed. I still do not know where I am headed.

 I actually had someone say recently , that by looking at my public persona, that I was a "social warrior wannabe."  That made me realize that perhaps, I should stop being a wannabe and focus more on deciding what I am.  So I decided to make changes.

Earlier this year,  I put Baby up for sale.  Actually, I consigned it.  Unridden and no longer street legal, All Pro Power Sports, specifically James, came and got her ( http://www.allpropowersport.net).  As they loaded her up on the truck and proceeded to drive away, I felt - nothing.  No remorse, no tinge of regret, not even relief.  I literally felt nothing. Now, she is in someone else's garage.  I have not seen her on the road yet, but to be fair - I am not looking either.

What I am looking for now, is me.  I at first thought, just keep moving forward.  But now I am having second thoughts.  I think that as we age, when we are faced with a new path, we must turn around and look back.  We need to look and see what we have done, what was good, what was bad and what roads should never be walked again.  After reading my post in 2015, I realize that perhaps I should focus on reflection.  Not on what is ahead of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying dwell in the past, but when I started Gray Lady Riders, when I started this blog, I was looking behind me and saying "Is that all there is?"  I now know, the answer is yes, our history is just that - history.  Harsh, but true.  But when I look back, I no longer see opportunities missed.  I don't see the "I should have dones."  I look back and see, I have had an amazing life.  And it is not even close to being over.

I went to a worlds fair in 1967 (Expo 67 - in Montreal)

I've watched a rocket blast off in July 1969 and 3 days later, man walked on the moon.

I saw the country celebrate our bicentennial and had the great fortune of graduating from high school that same year.

I've lived in 3 different countries and traveled across many more.  I've seen the tulips in the Netherlands, eaten chocolate in Switzerland, eaten sushi in Hawaii and  photographed grizzlies in Alaska.

I've rode a motorcycle across the country and back. In that time I saw wild horses in New Mexico and Nevada, the Mojave Desert, the Grand Canyon, the Bonneville Salt Flats of Utah.

I've authored a book, been considered an expert in my field, and then retired from it all.

I've lost good friends, cousins, a sister, a mother and most recently, a father.

I've watched my children grow into amazing adults.

I've been graced with an adorable grandson that keeps me young.


While not inclusive, I realize that with the pain and lessons, that my life has been pretty amazing. 

I am still finding my feet.  I still collect backpacks and supplies (up to about 200 right now).  I still want to affect the lives of children.  But I want more than anything else, to move forward and stop being that "wannabe" and become the woman warrior that I know I am.

What warrior do you want to become (or are now?)

New Year - same outlook?

My life continues to change.  I begin this year with a sister diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, a cousin's wife with stage 4 cervical cancer and a friend with breast cancer (second time). 

I struggle with what to think or say.  Each woman has reacted to the news in dramatically different ways.  I wonder how I would react?  What would I do if I were told that I had a potentially life limiting illness?  Would I run away? make a new bucket list? Find a familiar spot and make it my own?  I would like to think that I would embrace life more.  Savor each moment just a little bit longer and try to remove all bitterness and negativity in my life.

That got me to thinking-why wait?  Why should I wait for something catastrophic to happen to allow me to change my outlook?  Why not savor those things now?  Why not stop looking for landmines and notice the flowers in the fields?  Why lament over the things that I don't have and rejoice in the gifts that I have been given?  I don't mean to ignore the landmines, but why assume that every field has them?

I don't mean to say that I want to spend my entire life with my head in the clouds and think that it is full of fairies and bubbles.  What I mean is that rather than worry about those things that I cannot change and focus more on the gifts in front of me. 

This year marks the 10th anniversary of me starting to ride a bike.  Baby sits in the garage, partly due to weather and partly due to the lack of desire to be on her.  I still don't know where and if she will take me, but I do know one thing - this year is going to be a very different year.  I can feel it in my soul.

I hope all that read this blog have a new beginning.  More postings to follow - ideally with much more hope!


RoadRunner

Wow - has it been that long????

Wow, I had not realized that it has been so long since I posted.  May of this year (4 months)!  Where does the time go?  Actually, I know where, it has been here, there and everywhere, very little is on a motorcycle. 

So, where does that leave this blog?  Where does that leave Graylady Riders?  I'm thinking, right here.  Just where I am.  I may not be ready to ride, to be fair - I may never be ready to ride again - not like I did.  But I am ready to live my life as a Gray Lady Rider.    My hair tells me that!  My life tells me that wheels don't determine your "ride", rather, your life determines that. 

You can either choose to ride your life or you can choose to be a passenger.  Me?  I'm a rider.  I ride my own ride.  I ride my own life.  In the past few months I have chopped trees, cleared land, built steps, killed a snake (should have left it be..), scorpions and moved more spiders than anyone should have to.  I've thrown out my back to the point where I could not walk, been through physical therapy and had to learn what limitations are.  All the while, Baby sits in the garage waiting for me to ride.  But not riding a motorcycle has not limited me in living my life.  In fact, I've changed more in one year than I have in several.

I'm not sure who reads this - to be fair - I'm not sure it matters.  Just like riding my own ride, this blog is my way of figuring out my life.  If I'm lucky, there are others that are doing the same and that this is a way to let them know - they are not alone. 

Life changes you.  It makes you different and how you manage that change determines you, your future and direction.  I think I like the direction I am moving now. 

 

RoadRunner